Why won't my girlfriend be physical with me?

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Also, part of leadership is going first. She posted the spreadsheet on , along with this note: Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. Every morning she got cup of coffee in bed, I made lunches for the kids school, all washing was done and kitchen cleaned every morning.

So many female fetuses were aborted or sent overseas for adoption. Okay, now getting back to the rest of the house I would have had the biggest bad ass flowers her favorite of course money could buy and apologize to my girl for creating an environment where she would not want to be my lover, and play with me and have sex with me and love me, want me! Your job is to think, speak and act like it is in bold ways with any apology for wanting a healthy marriage.

Why won't my girlfriend be physical with me?

Does the thought of sexual contact make you shudder? Do you tend to avoid or limit? Do you find sexual touch or even romantic touch, such as hugging or kissing your partner, unappealing or even repulsive? If this sounds like you or your partner, it may be a case of sexual aversion. Then, you can explore how to begin resolving it. Where Does My Sexual Aversion Come From? Some individuals who experience sexual aversion may have experienced or another type of. They may have had one or more experiences where sexual contact was forced. Especially in formative years, such as childhood and adolescence, the brain is creating pathways to understand sexuality. If a sexual trauma occurs during these years, the brain may link sexual arousal or sexual touch with threat, danger, , or pain. However, some individuals I work with who experience sexual aversion cannot pinpoint any trauma. For these people, the issue is even more confusing because they do not understand why they feel so anxious. Usually, when such individuals look into their past especially childhood and adolescence, when sexual connections are beginning to formulate , they find small messages of , , or blame associated with sexual arousal or touch. Perhaps small comments from parents or school institutions created an atmosphere of or shame about sexual arousal. How Sexual Aversion Can Influence Your Thoughts and Emotions Sexual aversion may be experienced even if you have a great relationship and find your partner attractive. Control is an essential component of aversion. Remember, aversion is an extreme form of anxiety. I do not like that. Pay attention to your body. Do you feel nauseous or have stomach issues when you think about sex? Do you feel fluttery or nervous? Do you feel nothing at all and just sort of frozen? Engaging in sexual activity when you are not aroused is harmful for your emotional well-being. If you are not aroused, your body is not connected with your mind during the act. You might do this because you feel guilty that you are never in the to be with your partner. However, it could be causing long-term damage. You are not alone. If you experience sexual aversion, engage only in a type of sexual contact hugging, holding hands, etc. As you get more comfortable, increase the activities slowly over time. Understanding why you feel averse to sexual touch even if you love your partner is the first step in lowering your sexual anxiety. Work through the tips above to be more connected with your body and feel more comfortable when sexual contact occurs. © Copyright 2015 GoodTherapy. Permission to publish granted by Mieke Rivka Sidorsky, LCSW-C, CST, The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below. I can tell you from experience, guys can end up here too. Fake it till you make it is bad advice I was given my now wife was pregnant and we had to get married by our families. Now I shutter at the thought of faking it and go out of my way to avoid contact at all. I used to LOVE having sex and being sexual and touchy with my husband. Then there was a trauma with my kids one sexually assaulted the other in another and I went into PTS. I DO love him, and I miss my sex drive! I moved out of our house 8 months ago. We see each other a few days during the week for a couple of hours each visit. We spend one night together at my home in the same bed. She says that she has never liked being touched or ever enjoyed sex with anyone most of her life. She says that she loves me and that she likes spending time with me. But sex, kissing and touching is not pleasant for her. And she stated that this will never change. I love my wife dearly, but I need affection which she cannot give me. I pray that my love for her will never fade….. People with sexual aversion want to have normal healthy sexual relationships and may have in the past but are unable to now. There is nothing about it that I find enjoyable and I have been with men and women both who have tried to make me interested, it just never feels like it is for me. I can get close to someone but intimacy on that level is not my thing. I think that there is something within all humans that makes you have this need to be loved and touched and if you are not feeling that then I think that there is something that needs to be addressed. Think in terms of math: sexuality +? It could be something serious, like childhood abuse, or recent trauma. The point is, to fix the issue, the cause must be determined. If the cause is serious, seek professional help. This will involve MORE patience from the unhappy partner, but, keep in mind that the partner may also be the cause of the problem. My wife and I, have been together for 6 years, married for two- over the past few years, the sex has disappeared! I made my concerns vocal, and we both did some research. She found an article on sexual aversion, and she was excited to see information she could relate to. She has a tough time putting her feelings into words, so this helped. Pair this with the fact that I have a bad temper, and I was drunk most of these instances, and the fact that she had sex with me because she felt obligated to make me feel better, and you have the predicament that we are involved with now. She will begin by spending some alone time, thinking of me, and writing down the feelings that present themselves as anxiousness, or negativity. Next, she will continue the same practice, with me in the room, totally silent. From there, we address the issues head on. This is all done, with the hope that the brain will rewire the previous links. Step 1, helps determine the problems, step 2 shows trust, by digging up these negative feelings with your partner IN the same room, Step 3 hopefully puts the mind at ease, by closing the arguments, or finishing them. Step 4, move slow. Keeping in mind that pushiness, will only lead to more damaging results. I will revisit and post our results. But, this seems to be such a common problem in relationships. It was a problem with me, that was the cause- the effect was derived from multiple instances of bad decision making on her part, and my own. Realizing that I was apart of that problem, made me feel horrible, but, it helped knowing what had caused this sexual drop off. Even more gratifying, having a goal, or a direction to work toward, to hopefully get things back to normal. My advice, if you are experiencing the same issues: find 15 minutes, in a quiet, private room. Begin thinking of your partner, touching you, or being intimate with you. Let your mind wander, and write down what makes you feel anxious at the end of 15 mins. Do this repeatedly, for a week. See what your mind says, and begin a dialogue with your partner. Explain where your feelings come from. Determine the severity of the cause, and seek professional help if there are serious issues involved. I really appreciate this it is helpful. He is not aggressive with me at all, I just cannot stand the smell of alcohol on skin and cannot at all trust anyone who drinks. Ironically our personalities make it fairly easy.. He cares more for me than anyone I have known but for me alcohol, regular drinking is like a wall. I am resigned to not staying together. I cannot stop him have his life but I cannot feel OK with someone who will hit the vodka and coke at 11am in the morning.. I suppose 3, 70cl vodka bottle a week could be more sometimes and Guinness special brew is not an option I cannot tolerate, the smell of the cans when open will make me gag. I resent feeling I have to drive or I do not feel safe. I have expressed this clearly but somehow this is the deal breaker for me and he cannot imagine or really wish to change this.. So I know sadly this relationship cannot survive. I am sexually attracted to him but …I cannot have sex when alcohol is involved. I fear that there will be the day when I will not want sex and it will be almost forced in the heat of the moment because of the impact of alcohol…my bottom line is I cannot have a sexual relationship in these conditions. This is a gut felt boundary. We both have the means to have our own home. I had mine before we met and he is selling and buying another home. So we are free agents with clear economic boundaries too and no children both our children are grown up and with other partners. It makes me feel sad at times.. It definitely caused problems in my marriage and we are now divorced. I wish you all the best, and I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you. I know where it came from—my previous marriage. I learned to avoid physical contact with him, because he was going to demand sex if I dared even hold his hand. I would pretend to be sleeping when he came home from working late he was sometimes on call so he would leave me alone. When we got divorced, I felt relieved and happy at the thought that no man would ever touch me again. I had been blaming all the sexual problems on myself. On my body changing after having a baby. Feeling guilty about not being able to please him. Well, now at least I know where I stand. I absolutely loathe sex now because he has ruined it for me by demanding things he has seen on a screen that are not fun, comfortable, or sexy for me. We are trying to fix all our issues and he is a good man I choose to believe that because he came to me with this problem instead of me stumbling across it like a dirty secret it means that he really cares about this marriage but I am scared that I will never enjoy sex again. That is a marriage in crisis. The idea of it is not just un-appealing, but it is literally OFF-PUTTING. And for those wondering… I had fantastic parents and never suffered any sort of sexual trauma in my life. I used to think it was my medication causing the issues… but certain meds can cause lack of drive; not a full on aversion. Then I thought the cause was my self-image problems with the way i look. I have 0 turn-ons. I have recently started working as a webcam model and it is EXTREMELY difficult to convince clientele that you are into it, with a disorder like this. God, I used to be at least somewhat normal. I can not work this job which is my only option to pay the bills until i find another real one with this defect. Not desiring sex is just that—not desiring sex. Porn could totally be the cause of sexual aversion for some. Personally, I think sex is a disgusting, primitive, and useless act. What you´re describing is asexuality. Meaning no sexual atraction to anyone. Those with the disorder were sexually active before and felt that atraction. So if you have always felt this way and there was no trauma involved, if yor parents were attentive and your childhood good is it so hard to believe that it perhaps could be natural to NOT crave sex??? We are not rich but solid middle-class. I have never felt sexual atraction and never questioned it it was just not relevant to me until someone else brought it to my attention. When I searched for it online I was devasted. I thought I was disfunctional. Until I found an Ace article. What youre describing is exactly Asexuality and its not a disfunction. Except if you want it to be, but by those standars EVERYTHING could be seen as a disfunction Of course if you want to continue destroing youself like that, feel free. I´ll go over to the Asexual-forum , feel free to take a look at it whenerver you like. September 22nd, 2017 at 11:23 AM I disagree, as Sasha mentioned, she finds sex, not just unappealing, but off-putting. Meaning it makes her feel disgust. So I believe this makes her to be experiencing sexual aversion. An asexual person would just not care for sex, without the disgust feeling. That came out a bit harsh. I deeply apologize for that. Again I´m sorry for my disrespectfull tone in my previous post. This is EXACTLY how I feel. You explained it PERFECTLY! You also type just like me, hahaha!! I use a lot of caps and ellipsis too! I had a great childhood as well, and I have a memory like no other, and I truly believe I would remember some sort of sexual trauma. I used to think it had to do with my body image issues, but like you said…. I too, have ZERO turn-ons. When I was younger, everyone seemed obsessed with sex. Sex is just the LAST thing on my list. I feel really bad for my partner. I had my opportunities, believe me, but never wanted to take them. When I finally decided that my partner was the guy I wanted to lose it to, it was because of our emotional connection. When in reality, all he is trying to do is love me, and show it to me in that way. I hope I can figure something out. I can relate to this sexual aversion disorder. I have severe erectile dysfunction issues when Im with a partner. I like men and women and I have messed around with both sexes a little when i was younger. But for the most part I was never able to get hard with anybody! I start to tense up adrenalin starts pumping and get nauseated and repulsed by the thought of carrying out the act of full penatrative sex. So i never have at 36 yet. It tortures me no end. I want to enjoy it. I cant even enjoy bjs. My penis head is two sensitive. And people get mad at me when i cant perform because they think its them. Is not its me. I have had no history of sexual trauma I absolutely hate the idea of sex and can not for the life of me explain it. The very word makes me defensive and want to curl up into a ball. Can anyone help explain this? Moreover, are there any blokes reading that can empathise at all? The thought of anyone touching me makes me feel nauseas, and gross like I need to wash myself. I am 27yrs old. I want to be normal! You should not tolerate being anything other than treated with full love and respected 100% of the time. I have issues that I need answers to also. My husband is a pilot and flies internationally and is gone for 10 to 12 days stretches. He left for his trip yesterday furious with me that I had not been receptive to his advances the entire week he had been home. After the kids had left that morning he had tried dragging me to the bedroom for a quick round of sex before he left for his trip. I knew this would be coming and even considered making up a lie about an appointment so I could rush out the door and avoid the inevitable. We have been married 20 years and have three teenage children. The agitation and hostility that arises from his sexual needs not being fulfilled to the extent he desires is felt by all of us in the home. You would think that my need to clear the house of that stress would push me to work past my aversion and just give him that relief so we can move on. Now I realize that all those years of doing just that may have been exactly what landed us in the mess we are in now. That doesnt works any more. My MO is to now just hit the stage of passing out before he come to bed and the next morning is spent with unspoken hostilities and anger over the unrewarding previous evening. I never even feel the desire to drink and rarely have a single drop of alcohol when he is away on a trip. He is a devoted husband and Dad and I know he deserves that sexual reward but Trying to do that is emotionally destroying me. He can see that and this also becomes a source of unspoken hostility. When we are alone he will often walk up and hug me or try to give me a kiss or grab and rub my breasts , trying to get me in a playful mood. The moment that happens I become nauseous, agitated and panicky. My mind starts replaying every recent argument or fight and I am left fighting this strong desire to shove him off of me and yell at him. I obviously have realized this is not normal, but until I ran across a few articles like this , I was just plagued with a guilt that was leading me into a depression. Thank you for sharing your stories. I am hoping we are not to badly scarred and that there may be hope and some kind of treatment that can fix this huge problem of ours. I just stumbled upon this ai didnt even Know Sexual Adversion was a thing, but I totally diagnosed myself…. Wow, so what have you done to make things better. Let me know if you have any suggestions. So sorry to hear about your difficulties with your husband. What you wrote really struck a chord with me because, well…. I can relate to both of you. I love her desperately, but I cannot help that I have an extremely high sex drive any more than she can help her aversion to it. Heck, maybe we are. I just know that from my standpoint, I want her very badly. If only we all lived lives where every night could include the excitement and romance of our courtship and early marriage, but as we all know, life is not like that. We work both outside and inside the home and we have responsibilities and sometimes that just kills the ability to make things interesting. For me though, things are even worse. Things started getting bad when my wife became pregnant with our first child 11 years ago. It was with a prostitute and she found out about it. This was devastating for her and the worse part is, it was useless for me as I learned that this in no way made up for a lack of sex in our marriage. The damage was done. Now more than 5 years after that we are still struggling along. We were even separated for more than 6 months but in the end we both decided that we would rather try to fix our own marriage than to either make a new one or live separate lives. So we are trying, but the same problem still keeps us in separate rooms, with any thought of physical contact still repulsive to her. For my own part I try to hardest not to show any resentment because of this, but I know that I fail. Mostly I just wanted to tell you that you are not the only couple with this problem and it is very difficult from both sides. That is easier said than done, but through counseling we are slowly getting to a place where we can discuss it. Maybe that can lead to a solution of some kind. Maybe you and your husband can do the same. I sincerely hope so. Lust was unheard of! She said she understands. Now I want badly to be able to hold, kiss and caress her feet, but I fear that if she does have a sexual aversion, that asking her for this will repulse her. If NOT, are you, and why are you teasing him……?? If so, then consider that you may be afraid of experiencing these highly stimulating sexual activities for yourself. It could also be a fear of imagined pain, which would lead to discomfort that you feel would overwhelm any pleasurable feelings….. NOT to be coupled together as if just one entity. You only need concentrate on what stops you from allowing yourself to be touched. This is EXACTLY the type of attitude that can cause women to feel like less when they DO have something like this. Turning a guy on can please a woman without having to be touched. No one should do that with their partner. He may be assuming that is happening without knowing it for sure and that could be a mistake as well. As for her not liking to be touched, I agree that is very common. It is ending my marriage as we speak. It can be due to a number of factors, from psychological aversion to sex to sensory issues like Autism and Misophonia or some combination of all these. But his last statement that this should be dealt with as a medical problem is not necessarily incorrect. If a person cannot stand to be touched sexually or any other way , this should be viewed as a problem and treatment should be sought. I did not know there was a connection.. It just feels awful to me! I DID NOT assume she was teasing her boyfriend. There are two different topics of discussion here. Doing something to someone else touching, etc. Did you read the article? Part of the issue is control — if your partner is not trying to touch or arouse or pleasure you, and you are determining how and what and when you do things to them, then you have more control over the experience. Also, a number of people who identify as asexual are comfortable doing sexual things to a partner touching, etc. Ultimately the answer is communication — if you are clear with your partner what you are comfortable with and not, then you and your partner can try to figure out something that works for both of you. A partner can enjoy being touched and other acts even if they have to finish things off themselves, it is down to the people engaging in the activities to define what is comfortable and works for them. I allow for sexual touch, but cannot enjoy it like others do. Sometimes if I drink I enjoy sex. Trying to get back into the groove of things, I just want to feel like everyone else. Just an everyday individual. My take on Bi Polar disorder is that it does NOT relate directly to the topic of sexual aversion. There does seem to be though, a situation in which any given individual may have sexual feelings, and engage in sex as long as conditions are favorable. These may include being high on drugs or alcohol which allows inhibitions to be discarded. Engaging in sex and enjoying sex, no matter what the conditions, are two separate entities in my opinion in that there are those who would submit to engaging in sex because they feel they owe it to their partner, even though they must be drunk or stoned before the act can be carried out. Their enjoyment is yet another question, but I would NOT call it an aversion if under certain conditions they can engage in, and enjoy sex. My opinion is that in order to categorize a condition as an aversion, there cannot be a situation in which an individual is capable of making a conscious exception and allowing a partner to engage them in a sexual act resulting in their enjoyment. My feelings regarding Bi Polar disorder is that it would NOT be a determining factor in the case of, or willingness, or ability to engage in sex no matter what the conditions are. I think it stands alone in such instances as sexuak attractiveness, desire, and participation. I was abused for 2 years starting at 2 years old. When i was placed at my grandmothers i was made to feel like i was disgusting. I was punished over any sign of anything sexual. I managed to have 3 kids but only when i was pregnant did i want to have sex. It doesnt help that my husband of 13 years doesnt show affection til he wants to play. I cant afford professional help though im hopeing this artical can help my husband understand what im going through. Any advice would be amazing. Professional or otherwise at this point anything will help. You were taught from a young age that sexuality and any natural sexual urges you had were wrong — for that reason alone it is no surprise that you are struggling in this area. I think the most important thing for you to do right now is to reflect on how these experiences have affected you not just sexually, but mentally and emotionally as well. Notice any feelings that come up when you think of this past abuse anger, sadness, frustration, etc. Allow yourself to feel all of these emotions fully. When you numb these feelings or brush them off you end up pushing them down and never truly healing. Maybe keep a journal and write down any situations that come up that trigger you and any corresponding emotions that you feel as well. Dealing with our emotions and our past is scary. At the same time, your husband needs to be reminded that you require more from him in this area. You deserve to feel loved, but most importantly, you deserve to love yourself despite the frustration you may feel about this area in your life. Sending you so much love. My issues began with menopause. Then I started to actually cringe when I was touched sexually. After a while, I began to get anxious just knowing my husband was interested in sex. I would lock myself in the bathroom for at least 15 min. My husband could tell things had changed and actually wanted me to let him explore my body to find my sensitive spots so he would know how to turn me on. The thought of him touching me all over shut me down completely. I was beginning to hate sex. What a blow to my husband. Over time, he mellowed. It has been such a huge relief! I can live with the status quo. A few examples would be that if I was ever in a room alone with a romantic partner of mine, I would get physically ill and nervous about what might happen. If anyone could help, I would be extremely thankful! I had a similar feeling growing up. I feel now that it was caused by Body Dysmorphic Disorder and not feeling like anyone would find me attractive. I had a tendency to get into my head, even if someone was noticeably attracted to me. So after about 10 years and just gave up with her. I just told her no more sex, touching, sleeping , talking together. I moved down to the basement took care of my sex needs with hand and imagination. I notice that female commenters get lots of love and support for their stories, male commenters, even those bringing up very sad tales of sexual issues get no response. Is there a reason for this. It seems to happen again and again. Over the last year or so my attraction to him has diminished completely. It is the saddest thing that has happen in our relationship. I love him so deeply — but as a best friend. He is still very attracted to me and tries to have sex with me regularly. It is at the point now when he touches me, kisses me, etc. My immediate reaction is to get away. He is always amazing and understanding and never pushes too far. I feel betrayed by my own mind. I love this man, yet I cannot for the life of me be attracted to him. I am starting to feel like this is not a phase. I am so lost. Has anyone been through this before? I have been to therapy, which helped a little but I still have the issues. I wish with all my heart that I would want my husband sexually the way he wants me. I also love him and would never leave him.. I also never express it out loud and do my best to fake it as to never make him feel undesired. I wish there was a support group and some kind of magic pill. Do you find that you have lost all sex drive entirely? Or just towards him? Because I wanted to keep the man that wanted them. I understand your choice to have them but I feel that the same would happen to me as well. Are you still with your husband? I can not believe that I am not alone. I do not want to be touched, I do not want to have sex, I do not want to have anyone tell me anything about sex. I think that my problem comes from feeling guilty. I am not married with my boyfriend, we live together and I do not remember when was the last time we were intimate. I love him, but I am not in love with him. I have suggested for him to move to an apartment separate from me to see if we can have a better relationship. I feel that the trauma that I have had is that while we were living together, he cheated me with his ex. I have forgiven him but I have not forgotten. I feel that sometimes it is best to let go. Perhaps separating from the other is best so that they do not suffer. Some men all they think about is sex, sex, sex. There is much more than just sex. I feel like I have to make all the decisions and I feel that my boyfriend is just looking for an easy life without worries while I have to think about how to pay the bills, what to eat, what to plan, how to manage working and maintaining a household while he has no worries. I was in love with him, but I fell out of love because my mind is continuously working and working and it gets on my nerves sometimes that he is relaxed, watching tv, while I have to beg him to cut the grass, take out the trash, pay some bills. Every month I go through the same thing, over and over and over. I feel that I no longer want to have sex because I am not in love anymore, even though I do love him but I am not in love with him. I believe that a man has to take care of the household finances, fixing up the place when things get broken down. Bottom line, I am disappointed and feel defrauded. I do not even want to kiss, hug, hold hands, have sex or even talk about sex. I believe that a person should not have sex with an individual without being married. I believe that I am working on my relationship with God. Also, I feel that since I have had two marriages and two divorces, I feel like I need to work on my spirituality and salvation. I do believe it is just guilt. I feel dirty if I have sex because I wanted to be married and have a husband. I am 51 years old. I should not have a boyfriend. I should have a husband or nothing at all. I do not know what to do. I just want to sell my home then run as far as I can, by myself. I can relate to a lot of your post. I want to tell you I was much like you and your age. I had almost the exact scenario. I decided to force my BF of 13 years leave and dive headfirst into my faith pleading with God to help me and pull me up out of the awful mire of that life and he DID! I was also able to get of antidepressants without him in my life. He was just like your boyfriend.. I , with repentance and Gods help built my life back up. Now i am married almost 5 years and very happy and thankful to God. You can do this if you desire. You need to tell your BF you arent going to live as married anymore and he must leave. He is using you for all the reasons you mentioned and getting a free ride leaving you without your peace and hurting your spiritual health. Remember, Men are supposed to be spiritual leaders of women and families and be wanting healthy relationships with God and living right. He is not interested in a marriage with you or even towing his own weight. You have the say as to what goes on there and with you. Find a good church to support you and make sure they are a solid by the book church like Calvary Chapel so you get the truth and not some weird cult. When you feel loved, valued, cared for and have a true life partner…your desire will return and you will build the relationship God outlines for us with a man. Maybe youll meet someone at church. But for not…kick that guy out even if you have to file eviction. If you have any family who will help you with the process call on them. But put your foot down and stick to it. But one more thing.. You can put in effort and bring back the in love feelings with your true love partner but its not automatic. Its a choice and takes effort. You dont do it with this guy because he doesnt deserve you. He makes you live a lie in your heart and carry all the weight. Please think about this. I will be praying for you. You will be fine. I hate hate hate sex. When my husband touches me I feel like I need to gasp for air. It takes me a good hour or so, crying in the bathroom, to calm down after having sex. I started avoiding my husband so he could not ask me for it. I feel so bad to say no. I even try to look less attractive to him. I hate coming too close to him. After I had my baby, when I was physically unable to have sex, I loved my husband like crazy!! Since we started doing it again I try to avoid him. I cannot believe more ppl have this issue. My life is hell right now! I was fine having sex with my boyfriend of 7 years and had orgasms myself, but it all went downhill very quickly. Now, I feel full disgust when he touches me and when we have sex. Although, I must say that he has to have sex every other day. It makes me sick to my stomach to even just think about it. He also talks about sex about 20 times a day. Everything I say, he manages to turn it into something sexual. I want to want to have sex and be intimate, but it just makes me feel so disgusting. I never felt this way before. I have been married to my husband for over 6yrs now. We were HS sweethearts but went our separate ways and then yes later came back together again. Only thing now is, I felt I was manipulated.. Actually, we were in complete sync. Our sex life was amazing, and we talked all the time, and never could imagine a mmoment apart from each other. We are a blended family and it was great for a while…but now for the last yr or so I have moved into another room. I have often wondered if there was someone else and even told him I would leave if he wanted. But he always says.. How is this so? He never shows me any affection even when we are away from our kids…he never tries to DO…anything…and believe me, I have slept in the bed with him at hotels…. As someone from the other side of the spectrum, I can tell you that it could possibly be something involuntary within himself. I am starting to learn that sexual aversion can be a number of things, including an involuntary defense mechanism. It is hard to say what it could be for your husband, but it is worth looking into if you both love each other — and it seems like you do. It sounds like you could both benefit from opening up about it. You may even learn things about yourselves and each other that you never knew before. One of the most important aspects of marriage is to work together when things are working out well. If you are with someone only for those reasons, a part of you dies a little inside. I think that it would be beneficial to at least try talking to a professional — there are therapists specializing sex as well as couples counselling. It may be helpful for him to do some sessions on his own as well. I wish you well. It is such a painful thing to happen. If a heterosexual female doesn´t feel anything when she looks at another female, does that mean that she is repulsed by her? However, if that heterosexual female is put in a situation where she is expected to have a sexual experience with that other female, it could very well lead to negative feelings. I am reading these comments to try to understand my wife and her revulsion for me. I expect sex as part of a relationship. The only question is whether I divorce my wife over it or have an affair. The comments about porn are… wow. I came here seeking help but all I found was despair. I do get a feeling of disgusts while having sex, even though I love him, but I still do it and take care of him. In your situation, where your wife is not willing to make the sacrifice for you and your relationship, you should sit her down and tell her your feelings. Tell her that your needs are not being fulfilled and tell her that you need her to sacrifice some things in order for your relationship to remain. I would say, as a female, I would not blame you if you have an affair if your wife will not fulfill your needs. It is a part of a healthy marriage. Sex is a very important part of a relationship. That way she will know how your feeling and have an understanding of what may happen if she does not fulfill your needs, and hey, you never know, she may just give you the sex you need, or.. I imagine she loves you dearly. First: You came here to try and understand your wife and her revulsion of you. They are experiencing an aversion toward sex. Sex is an act. Partner is a person. Second: You state that you expect sex as part of a relationship. I believe most people do. But, my question is, in regards to sex, what else are you EXPECTING from your wife? Are some of the things you ask her to do repulsive to her? Does she equate sex with negative experiences? Just somethings for you to think about. The way this is expressed makes me cringe. Those words sound like the preverbal message that I feel, might just be a contributing factor in some aversions: Men have sexual NEEDS. Well, If a woman tries to meet those needs…. I cannot be touched sexually at all. I can touch him though. I remain sexual with my husband because he has not become resentful of my situation. He has also owned up to his contribution to my negative feelings toward sex. We have worked together to make sex as positive for me as we can. We do nothing that will set off triggers for me. I admire you sticking with your wife through all the years. I hope if you are willing to take on your situation with humility and patience, that she will be open to working with you on trying to find a way to make sex a more positive experience for her. My prayers to you both. PS: Many of my beginning aversive feelings began with his wanting to try things he saw in Porn that totally turned my stomach. Sexual aversion does not happen in a vacuum. To have sex without a want to just to keep him there is only scaring you further and will do nothing for your mental health. To expect is x knowing what you deal with is almost rape. Sexual aversion can be treated with time and understanding. My husband and I went from non at all to once a week with therapy time and patients. One thing that helped was a book called A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. My issues are likely not going to go away. I know exactly what the problems are too. Men are jerks in this arena… especially when you did not give birth to their children. The limp dick syndrome is what that is. I was dumped more times than I would like to admit because of it. I get repulsed at the thought of it, I get tense and I want to scream and cry hysterically. I was treated like I was as important and worthwhile as an old picture on the wall. My ex husband up and left over 6 years ago and I absolutely refuse to allow a man to pursue me…. I was once walking at night to a club when I was about 25 years old, I was clothed from my neck to my ankles the illusion of me is the perfect body — size c breasts, little waist, the perfect hourglass and then all of the sudden, I was surrounded by 6-7 very very drunk college idiots who then circled me like a pack of dogs men are dogs — bastards and they were all trying to grab at me, licking their chops, making comments and trying to lift up my shirt… I bulldozed it out of there and ran…. In short, I doubt I will ever allow a man to touch me again. He would have to be the reincarnation of Dionysus. I myself have been rape multiple times. One actually resulted in a pregnancy, which I choose adoption.. Your also right that men are very visual, especially when having sex.. As for your perception on your body image, many women can definitely relate and still have an amazing relationship with a man. I would just like to throw in there, that I have seen many women that most would consider less attractive, but in my perception, if they were confident, they were beautiful. I remember one time, when I used to waitress and this girl came up to the register. She had a big belly hanging out of her crop top, with stretch marks and all. I just looked at her in awe. I DO think that it would be benefical to practice positive self talk. I myself use to feel embarrased of my body and just not confident in anything I did. I learned how to think positive and have confidence.. It took some time, but I now love myself and my body. I stood in front of my mirror a few times a day and told myself how beautiful I was and that I love my body, love myself, could accomplish anything I wanted to.. I actually started to believe it! Every time you catch yourself thinking something negative, stop that thought and intentionally think of a positive thought to replace it. It will take some time, but eventually you will reprogram your brain to just think positive thoughts. It really does work.. Thank you for sharing your strife as well. Though I think most responses here are issues with marriage and not from repeated abuse… the abuse coming from someone you know… as is most often the case. I know that many people out there experience a generous amount of the good stuff that a loving relationship has to offer, and it is here where that fails in my life. Months ago I had my birth chart done in astrology and I saw a maelific planetary placement in my chart… a placement that brings only pain and suffering, the darkness and evil of relationships. It is here that my resolve strengthened… I am literally not meant for a good relationship. Every relationship I have ever had was exactly as stated in this unfortunate placement…. My father for instance, though he was there, he was absent. I was always brushed aside. My brother was horrible and to this day he hates me because he was jealous of me. I am trying to work out the strained relationship with my son — he has some mental health issues and he too took advantage of me as far as my giving nature — but that is because he is a man and the masculine energy is now contaminated and men are predators. Though, after more thought I realize that the vulnerable ages of women to get raped are teenage through 28. Case in point, I am an artist. I contacted a friend of a friend who I knew was a model… like he was on billboards…. I had researched him before hand on facebook and felt at ease because he was newly married about 1. That jerk took it as I was just wanted sex and pursued me sexually. He did not know that I knew he had a wife. As the old saying goes: this is but one of many stories I have to tell…. It is easier for me to not be bothered by it and to like myself more in that respect because I am alone and there is only my judgment. One of the things I would go back and redo is to stay away from males at all costs, until I was at the minimum 26 years old and to pursue my art with full focus, attention and energy instead. I would not place any value or importance on being in love with another until after having experienced life to the fullest first. In part of my trying to reprogram my thoughts, I am going to decline my first instinct of denigrating men and relationships and instead say: I guess crazier things have happened… I guess if GOD intervened and the man made the earth move…. I am just praying that its over…. It is insanity to keep attempting the same thing…. The stretch marks and messed up skin from having babies is only a small portion of the issue… its really just gravy…. The scars just make it easier for me to keep to myself… its a socially accepted excuse. Dear Universe and those to whom I must have tortured in a past lifetime s. It feels good to share. I was offering to keep any one from being hurt when he took that position, Mainly him and me. II was on my knees offering everything his father and the then county commissioner said they would let him do if he just stayed put for two weeks and let men with eight to 13 years less seniority have the positions. That he had not had a vacation or day off since 1981 without me standing there crying did he really have to have that time off, job, or shift because somebody else needed it. And he stomped out the door after that flat refusal. The next morning what I thought would happen did, I ended up with a broken ankle. The man my husband found I had a fling with a year and a half before when we went to Bavaria was hurt very badly coughing blood where his ribs had penetrated inti the paricarduim sack. My husband had been trained in two services in combat arts those young men walked into a buzz saw without warning. My husband said why warn them that would not have been fun for him. Everything tried to get my husband to consider his wants and needs were not ours or the communities. From 2001 to now its been hell on earth trying to get him to be4 a nice person about any thing. IN 2009 to let a young man have a honey moon with his 4 month pregnant bride, me and his father canceled his trip on the orient express and set up his first vacation since 1976 to Start on January the second with a 5 week vacation In St Croix He was so mad another vacation to Eyuurope was canceled or not aloowed, he dislocated my shoulder getting the refund backi from me I was going to give back at Christmas, then seven men TSA, His brother in law and his union Minister and steward had to stop him from killing his father strangling him to death over a lousy vacation. I know we could not forsee the future and should have let him have his times over the three decades because he contracted MRSA in his Spine before st Croix. It was something we had not considered. Crape Dieum Or seize the day. The other day I told him he could not tell a friend that if they got within a mile of outr home they would be shot, I was trying to get him to let go of his riffle, He did and I broke my hip and he took his riffle to the gate to enforce what he had said. He did not hit me he just let go as I tugged and I went over backwards. My friend did not get past the gate at the end of the drive. Most of my friends detest my husband and he calls them the bunch from hades. So the feelings mutual. If I had known that a man would feel so much hate and despise everyone for making him see to their needs before his. I would have never married. AFTER THAT I NEVER WANTED TO HAVE SEX ANYMORE. THE WAY I LOST HIM WAS FUCKED UP BASED ON RUMORS AND LIES. I DONT WANT TO TRY AGAIN BECAUSE I REFUSE TO FEEL THE PAIN FROM LOVE AGAIN. SEX REMINDS ME OF LOVE. IM LOVELESS AND BITTER AND DONT CARE TO TRY AGAIN. Over time, when something is bad for us or hurts, our bodies and minds reject it…giving us adverse reactions so we stay away from it. Celibacy is wonderful — it is stress free, drama free and pain free. My suggestion before you get consumed in hatred I was that too , go back to doing the sh t you loved when you were 6 years old…. I began ice skating lessons, coloring in kids coloring books… expand your physical activity workout, it helps to get over the emptiness and bitterness and throw yourself into art. My ex walked out on me over 6 years ago…. I have been through a lot of ups and downs and inside outs….. I myself am much happier single. I have realized that I like the freedom of being single and celibate…. I highly recommend improving yourself — get over the bitterness …. I know one thing for sure, I am tired of my negative reaction to men and my perspective and attitude about love and relationships. It will make you sick internally and f ck up your world. You see, my ill-gotten relationships of my life made me physically ill and manifested in a disease…. It is far better than living like you do… I know this…. I have been you. I felt guilty about what his father said had to happen on his return home when We did not let him take the 30 days to return to His UAW job after discharge, His father was hoping to drive him back into the military. But When he came home he was tired, seasick and wanting a non isolated duty. But When many voiced their concerns about his seniority coming home and resuming his position with more than 60 percent of the work force and 152 other military returnees were coming back with the same or a little less. I could see the problems this would cause in the community. His father told me to stay out of sight the first week he was home or the plan he had to force my husband back to the service would fail. So The first day my husbands mother had to stop him from chasing his father down and hurting him for setting up the apointment with HR to reinstate without his say so She thought they would wait two weeks to Reinstate him but they put him on seconds that day for a 12 hour shift, He was again met by the same note as the day before to take the sofa and leave me alone. His sister, youngest brother and I I rushed out to this scene. My husband had his father trapped one handed against the ceiling telling him if i was not standing beside him in two minutes he was going to use his dead body as a wreaking bar to tear bulkheads out until i appeared, I had to tell him to drop his father and i would go home hiuunting with him. He just about threw him out the front door telling his father that one day he would go to far anfd push him more than he should have. Eventually My refusal of sex and being held in the marriage by a Guardianship Ended in 2013 with him forcing me into sex, The attempt to keep him from his seniority rights both by legal means and force ended with over 35 men badly hurt. My husband so depressed in 2009 over no sex and no time off in 28 years He developed MRSA in his spine crippling him. Even after three strokes, Loosing all nerve impulse in his legs He still Is considered one of the most deadly people to cross. If you interfere with him and what he wants to do now you will end up badly broken I saw him fracture one mans scull with his cane when that man swept his cane putting him on the floor then asking how had i ever ended up with that looser. He said I had 31 years of his time I was out of mine. And everyone else was to. I have seen him tell a friend reaching for his sidearm, Go ahead be stupid and pull it He would clean his brains off the wall after his 30 30 put a round through his head. Nobody can get him to back off any thing now that he decided he going to do. I am in love with my wife so much but I dont know what to do anymore all i feel is being pushed away and it has put me in depression so what should I do. I do not want to lose my wife how do i get her back any ideas. This is an important distinction. My wife and i have a very similar situation, so I can relate. I think it is very important to find out which of the two it is though. July 23rd, 2017 at 8:28 AM Not being in love with someone anymore and not having a feeling of making love with someone you do love, are two completely different situations. In sexual aversion, she would still love you, but does not have the desire to have sex, or maybe even to not be touched at all, by you or by anyone else. I would sit down and have a conversation with her on the way she is feeling… just for clarification. The best thing is to communicate and empathize as much as possible. One thing that I have discovered however, in our case anyway, is that it can be very embarrassing for the person suffering from the aversion. They may not want to talk about it as it can make them feel as though there is something wrong with them. I am pretty sure that is the case with my wife. The counselor we are seeing has told me so in private sessions and emphasized that I will need to be patient and let her come to that understanding in her own time, without pressure from me. Easier said than done, but that is all I have right now and I love her enough to wait… as long as it takes. Perhaps this is the question you need to ask of yourself. There is no wrong answer, just your answer. July 24th, 2017 at 7:32 AM Yes.. I can relate to every word you said, as I never even explained this condition with my significant other. I am embarrassed about the way I feel and it makes me feel like there is something really wrong with me and that no one else would understand. So, yes, one can definitely have trouble opening up about this. It is very hard to explain something that, unless the other person has experienced it for themselves, you believe that there is no way they can comprehend. Oh course, I know I am putting myself in a very venerable situation and may even be making this condition worse for myself. So, you, having patience with your wife, is a very admirable act. You seem like an amazing man and your wife is very lucky to have you by her side. Best wishes to the both of you.. Depression could make someone feel like their not happy about anything. If she says that she does not love you anymore.. Try to stay strong for you and your wife.. No way I could be in a relationship not that I can imagine anyway. I read some of the article and some of the comments but for me its too hard to even read about this kind of stuff. Extreme reaction, like what panic attacks do. Heart rate up, disgust, vile, its so horrible to think about and just so so dirty and yuck. Makes me feel suicidal and that can happen just from people talking about sexual stuff without it even being flirtatious. Or from just reading about it. Sucks to see there are women pushing themselves to service their partners needs and enduring this shit, that is so heartbreaking. And repulsion is the perfect word. It was tragic to witness, as I could tell there was no turning back and I did not want to feel this way towards him, and other than this, we were a match made in heaven. It may be some of us are just way too sensitive to this. Some of us may be very, very sensitive to this. I wonder if many who feel this way towards sex would also consider themselves empaths. Perhaps sex for reasons other than respect and love, is actually repulsive. It really is gross. I would consider myself an empath or a highly sensitive person and I do think energy exchange is a big part of it. I also grew up knowing that my father put a lot of pressure on my mother sexually and that made me extra sensitive to being used sexually, instead of being treated as an equal partner with sex being the natural outcome of that love. I had agreed to go wherever, whenever and however he wanted a vacation of his own after our return. I would allow a sex life, be a willing travel companion and let him decide what he would do with his High seniority as he wanted without a word. Just for a three week Road trip without any particular destination west in mind. I was dreaming of making an offer of a midwinter vacation to someplace like Hawaii, Barbadoes, The Caymans. A nice beach resort for three weeks with the money he had saved we could well afford such a vacation. He ho0wever had already reseached that time and discovered it would take an act of god to get a vacation any place like I dreamed. So we even started suggesting he could drive someplace like Vegas southern California, Florida, Padre Island Texas. He looked at me and said feel free he was not ice skating someplace just barely warmer in mid winter than the mid west. He was not going to risk stranding someplace on the road in a winter storm without any vacancies except maybe an emergency shelter in some gym. There was just nothing we could suggest that was a compromise he would accept even just staying home and resting those three weeks was not acceptable to him. I was pushed onto a bus 40 minutes after flying in from Rome. We have tried for three decades now to get him to see that he owed to the community and social order, That they had needs greater than his he had to at least aknowledge. Now 57 life has promoted menopause and left much of what inspired earlier in life awash. New relationship with a gentleman whom my heart leapt and skipped a beat for. Moved too fast with his needs to move in with him. He was 10 years my senior. Are commonalities were sparse, he drank spirits nightly and smoked heavily. His deceased wife prior to me was subservient to his needs. I had been independent through my life as I raised my children on my own before I decided dating was a possibility. Menopause promoted uncertain new surprises and swept my sexual senses to the open seas, farewell. I detested the pleasures slowly, was plagued with anxiouty to the point of wanting to walk off a cliff. Not really understanding my condition or supporting he challenged to control me and manipulate his desires. I fleed twice only to be swooned into his wanting me back into his home. I was a plug to even think of going back into his world. Sexual adversion deepened, his touch repulsed me as he subjectively would grab my privates or a breast publicly or home. After repetitively insuring him this was not right, he continued to do so. Is this not some form abuse? Gets challenging when love rants over the problem. As I know and feel he wants to be the dominator over all I do. It is my score to remove my self from a relationship that will never be understood from someone whom is set in their ways. I love him so, but health is the heartbeat to our paths of life. We make choices and break them and pay for them. I choose to heal in my own way. Sexual adversion is to be understood by a person whom is dedicated to their partner, not used against. I find sex disgusting. The smells and the fluids etc are repulsive. It reminds me of some alien movie or something of some weird species infecting someone. Sticking their filthy fleshy probes and squirting the toxins. There is no satisfaction in it whatsoever. Mine came on all of the sudden during intercourse one day. A strong feeling of disgust came over me and it just stuck with me after that. So, I would say that there is always a possibility that nothing caused it or perhaps something from his past that is dwelling in his mind all of the sudden? Did you ask him why he feels this way? I know that is unusual but I would. Is that something you would ever consider? It is so bad that I actually threw up after they guy I am seeing ejaculated on me. We tried it again where I just jacked him off but I still got queasy when I came in contact with his cum. I have sense that there was some sort of sexual abuse, but I also picked up shame about sex from my mom. I am also I highly sensitive person so that may play a role in it as well. An addiction is a compulsion to do something and an aversion is a compulsion to not do something. Then I discovered that sex and love addicts anonymous a 12 step program deals with sexual aversion very effectively. This anxiety which is often unconscious, manifests itself in an inability to orgasm or, more often and inability to get an hold an erection. I do not suffer from these problems when having sex with a woman for the first time, or when having paid sex or when I masturbate alone. Only within a relationship does my body shut down sexually and I am unable to perform. It has meant a very lonely life indeed as women are not interested in a man who cannot have sex with them more than once. They felt yes he should get a job from the corporation but he should start as a probate if they could not get him to reenlist in one of the military services. Wefelt that with his knowledge of submarine and strategic weapons operations the navy would have been the place fo o back to. We did not know for a year he would not be allowed to reenlist due to the way his mental attitude had developed when he was mostly under watrer for three and a half years The navy even apologized for the wayhe sliped through the regs requiring a certain amount of time without being on patrol. The final straw was when he was awakened at 6am on a Monday morning not to see his rack again until after his collapse at 1500 Saturday evening. The navy Doctors said extreme exhaustion and sleep deprivation causing a condition resembling extrem psycosis and paranoia. His last patrol was waivered to get him to go on it, but I had no idea at that time why we were notified he was ok after we had not heard directly from him in nearly three years except for trying to talk him into reenlisting seven months before over a Thanksgiving meal on his boat before he was flown to another boat on the west coast leaving on patrol, another time to replace a drug bust. We ailed in total to get him to reenlist at that time. I went to his fathers after my mother bought me to Charelston SC to catch the bus to Kings bay with the rest of the wives going. I was lectured by the ombudsman that I was not to discuss any thing but reenlisting. I left with his mother, and brother driving my husbands blazer to the mid west, he was getting post patrol leave and R and R as my husband went to Banger Washington. When he discharged in may 1985. Things did not work out as he expected in Charelston, he expected to find me there, not get a key from the ombudsman and told I was in the mid west at his fathers, for four days he took the exams for proficiency in his rate, took the final discharge exams in medical, Arranged for the pickup of the storage area the apartment furnishings and my things were stored to be sent back to where we were going to live. Found out I had not received his pay and allowances for seven months when he received 16000 in final pays, plus 1300 in travel pay which he took 800 and applied it to a flight home. Recieved his discharge orders giving him five days liberty until his discharge went into effect. The firstthings started going wrong that morning when he and several other military were told by the boarding agent that she did not care whsat military orders they were trsavelling under she had several local and state vips goingto the 500 racee on that flight that needed the seats so they were going to have to arrange to wait a few days for another flight. It took an Airforce transportation officer to get transport arranged for the others and my hgusbandwashanded2400 and the return of a rental car as well as his temporary military drivers licsence extendred until he could get anew one when he arrived home. The next morning his father was all over him to reenste since he wanted out so badly. I heard his mother beg to please keep the peace she did not need a murder his first day home. My husband got in again at 4am the next morning even more tired and angry when his father again yanked him up. This time my husband threatened to use his fathers corpse as a wreaking bar if I was notin front of him the next two minutes or he was told where I was at and with whom so I would get my walking papers. I had tyo get my husband to let his father down from where he had him trapped against the ceiling In the living room. Th next day I was telling him for the first two years he was home there would be no sex and after that we could start our marriage in peace in the community but he could not disrupt the lives of those threre just walking through the door ftrom the navy. Its been 36 years now trying to get compromises to let him have what he wanted and let the community have their needs met. So far its beemn one persom badly mauled by my husband for each of those years for interfering wqith him and those rights he earned. When I came home from the vacation to Rome If he had not tried to force his will on the community for his own vacation and just waited until the January time we had selected for him to take a vacation with me. Well, there have been plenty of opportunties. I just always blow them, because the thought of someone wanting to have sex just sends my anxiety through the roof. I was never sexually abused, but did suffer a ton of verbal abuse throughout childhood. I guess it all boils down to extreme insecurity. I have to find a way to overcome this. I am progressing I feel. The response is indeed trauma-like — shivering, fear, pain — not merely lack of interest. If anyone knows of a great therapist who has helped on these issues, please post here. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding any mental health symptom or medical condition. Never disregard professional psychological or medical advice nor delay in seeking professional advice or treatment because of something you have read on GoodTherapy.

What you´re describing is asexuality. Fast forward to pan seven. First gently grab her wrists and tie them with a necktie or a rope. But at the same time, girls enjoy intimacy too. Whether you are in a relationship or not, your happiness and satisfaction is your responsibility. It was just easier when the men civil, and women cooked and took care of the kids. A: Babe… you have to end it. This is the truth.